i am going on an adventure

I sit here in the middle of my bedroom floor, half packing and watching Sherlock. I think about how tomorrow is my last day being at home for the next 25 days. I think about how utterly fantastic those next days will be, how adventurous and unbelievable. I think about how I have already made new friends through this trip and how I will get to know them so much better by Monday night. I think about all the laughs we will have, the bonds we will make, the memories that will be created and never forgotten for a lifetime. I think about how nervous I am about getting through airport security smoothly and without losing anything. I think about the possibility that my suitcase will be raided and I will lose things. I think about the morning I arrive, the hugs and the giant smile I will have on my face. I think about the awe I will experience at being in such a beautiful and foreign country. 

I also think about home. I think about my friends and how much I will miss them. I think about all the things they will do together and the jokes that will be made that I am not apart of. I think about how they can't be in on the life-changing experience with me. I think about how selfish I feel for taking this trip because every one of them deserves a break and an adventure just as much as I do. I think about my family, how they all wish they could come with me but must let me do this alone. I think about my little sister and what I can see in her that says, 'When will it be my turn to grow up? When will I be able to do fun things on my own?'. Selfish feelings run through me and fill me with guilt because I want to give this trip to others, and at the same time keep it for myself. I think about how I don't deserve this trip at all, because of what I have done, all the mistakes. I think about how I will miss my closest friends and family so entirely much, and how little souvenirs won't make up for their desire to adventure too.

 

I have this trip. I have no reason to feel guilty or selfish because I worked very hard for this. I have wanted this for more than a year. It is an unbelievable opportunity that only a few 16 year olds get. God knows that I don't deserve this, but He loves me enough to give me a break from my heart racked with pain to fill it with fun and adventure. I have Him to thank, and it blows my mind that He would be gracious enough to give me such a huge blessing like this.

I am overwhelmed, excited, amazed. 

This is probably my last post until I come home. And then I will share every story I experience with you all. I will miss you, little blog, but I am going on adventure. I will see you when I get back!