I won't give up on You

I am trying not to give up this week. I am trying not let fatigue and sadness rule me. I am trying to stay positive and not quit this long race I chose to run. I am trying to run through the pain, trying to find the motivation to run faster and farther. I am trying not to give up.

But I am struggling with why. 

Why keep running when I am oh so weak? 

Why keep running when sadness formed weights at my ankles? 

Why not just stop right where I am at and turn around? 

Why not let depression and self-hate swallow me up again? 

I can't give you an answer because I am still searching. I won't give up today, I will run a little farther. I won't worry about what faces me tomorrow or the next week, I will focus on breathing evenly and counting my steps. I don't know why I will, but I will. I will face today with the strength I can muster. I will wrap up my knees and run today's race. 

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. (James 4:6-10)