thoughts // tired.

ive been running pretty hard this week. staying up late to turn in assignments because i procrastinate too much, planning time to hang out with my best friends before i leave town for a little while, working all day, and training in the gym. i feel like mentally i havent stopped very often. when i sleep my mind is still going 1000 miles per hour so i dont feel completely rested.

the trip we're going on will be about 7weeks long, so thinking about packing is stressful. not only am i feeling stressed about packing for this trip, im also dreading it a bit because i am anxious about falling behind in the gym. (and i will miss my friends and dog immensley.)

a little about the trip is that its going to be all over the eastern united states with my family. I'll get to see old friends and go on a lot of adventure. i plan on blogging a lot about it. i would say every day but i am not committing to that.

today, i woke up earlier than usual to get breakfast before work with my best friends. i felt excellent this morning, and even through out the day. however, i am now losing it. i feel like im holding on to my energy by a thread. if i relax too much i will slip into the state of numbness and barely survive my workout.  i can feel myself avoiding (or not avoiding) yawns, forcing my eyes to open wider.

im tired.

im tired but i have a lot of ideas running through my head, as well as a long to-do list (probably not that long comparatively.)

this post is probably rubbish but i am trying this new thing where i just write and see what happens. although my mind is feeling sluggish, creativity is flowing pretty well. i feel as though when i dont try hard, better words come out. it feels more artistic and less structured and  unreal. what i mean by unreal is the plethora of blogs i see are about fashion and lily pulitzer. neither of those things light my fire, and it seems like all blogs are like that with the exception of a few. i want this to be something more real and less typical. something that only i can provide the world with, a different perspective, a different heart than the rest. anyone can share their favorite $500 shoes that none of can afford and talk about a new recipe they found. not everyone can think the things i think or feel the things i feel.

uniqueness is what i want to be. not forcibly so, but simply being myself. disorganized thoughts about being tired is who i am. tomorrow it may be different. if none find it interesting, that's okay.

i'll look back at this post in a year and think "kaydee, what were you doing? that post sucked!" but just like workouts not all of them can be the best.