thoughts // gloomy days

i wish that it would never stop raining. even though i had to peel myself off my sheets with this morning's gloom, i never want it to be ungloomy.

i played my favorite, more relaxed songs and focused on the road through my blurry windshield as i drove to work. this feeling of contentment and peace settled in my heart as i watched the raindrops fall. everything becomes okay when the sky pours. its as if all the things im struggling with in my heart and mind quiet down, they dont go away, just quiet down. when they are quiet, i remember God's love encapsulates me. he knows all my inner warring. he knows that im thirsty for a hope and a purpose. im thirsty for a burning desire to pursue him and his brilliant and unknown plan for my short life here. he knows that. he sends the rain just for me (he knows how much i absolutely love the rain because he gave that love to me), and gently whispers a call to draw closer to him. he whispers reassurances of his sovereignty, but more importantly, he whispers his desire for me to chase him.

among  my knowledge-less questioning and wondering of my purpose, among my intensified need for hope, he reminds me on this gloomy day that no matter what i do in my life, no matter where i go or who i befriend, his ultimate reason for creating me is to chase him relentlessly. though i do not always (rarely actually) know how to accomplish that, along side the drops of water, he rains patience and grace on me. he does not get frustrated or annoyed with my struggle, but continues to gently tug me closer to him.

this also is his purpose for you. i know that i only vaguely discussed my struggle, but know that his purpose for you is the same: to know and understand him, and do all it takes to accomplish that.

he does not with hold knowledge from us, he waits for us to ask and follows our request with revealing bits of himself that he knows we need.

Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches:

But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.

jeremiah 9:23-24