The Little Dream of Mine

Guten Tag!

     I'm waiting on the Comet spread around my shower floor to work wonders and clean it up a bit, so I decided to start my post of the week! Even though I have reading assignments to complete, I have to write. My life has been kind of busy lately, and I have found that I have no time for recreational writing, which is my favorite. Whether it's spending two hours at the gym and coming home to have discussions and reading to complete or helping a friend raise money for school, going on bus visitation to see the few kids we pick up on Sunday morning, or spending time with one of my best friends before she moves to Australia for 4 months, I have a pretty busy life. Writing is something very important to me, something that if I don't do I end up being tied in knots and overwhelmed with myself. I'm not quite sure if anyone else feels this way, or if it's just me. I feel that if when I grow up, I don't have some type of writing going on, I'm going to be especially sad. If I'm not blogging, I hope I'm writing books. Writing is something very special God has given to me. Something more special than any relationship could be, something that not very many people understand about me. It's as if I have the key to the secret magical world of words, and when I open the door I'm somewhere else. When I write in my journal, write here, or write a story, it's like reading a book but more lovely because you are the book. You become the character and the feelings more than you ever do in reading. It's literally my favorite thing, and all my aspiration in life is to be successful in my passion. I believe that if it truly is my passion, I will be successful.

     

     I'm going to let you in on my dream today, just a little bit. It's something I long to do, and of course it may not come exactly true, but I think that it will come true to some extent. With enough hard work, enough prayer and following God, He will give me the desires of my heart. Obviously, following God is number one priority, and nothing I ever do will make me happy except following Him. But, God knows my dream, and He has the power to make it come true, for He has given the dream to me. He has planted the seed of passion in my heart for a reason, and He will follow through. 

     

    I picture myself in Seattle. The city of Starbucks and Macklemore, the city with mountains and coasts and beautiful nature surrounding the steel jungle of city. A city full of hustle and bustle, people going to their jobs and heading to their classes. People sitting in the famous Starbucks working on homework while sipping the lovely pumpkin spice lattes. Tourists chewing bubble gum so they can add it to the already full wall. This is the city that I envision to be my home in 10 years. I want to be one of the people in Starbucks, I want to be one of the people who walks through the rain with an umbrella dressed in scarves and rain coats. This is my dream.

     I, for some unknown reason, believe that this city is full of inspiration for books, and the rain is the perfect environment for writing all day. (I write best in the rain). The wondrously vast amount of rainy days and dark clouds is the sweetest, loveliest weather for this desert girl. Being pale white and tan-less, wearing sweaters all the time just sounds absolutely enticing to me. 

     I would love to have an apartment and work part-time in a lovely bookstore or coffee shop and on my days off write until my heart's content, living all alone. Waking up every morning and getting my cup of coffee, sitting down at my desk and making my ideas come to life. Oh how I want it now! Honestly, my first dream home is Germany, but I try to think a little more realistically. A husband is no where in the picture. How I envision my future is being alone with my writing and probably a cat and/or a hedgehog. It's what I want, I may never get to live in Seattle, but I can live somewhere like it. I wish I could fully express to you all the details I envision, though they may seem pretty ridiculous.

     I have this dream tucked deep in my heart, hoping and praying it comes true. I am nestled comfortably in God's plan for me, and I'm sure that whatever He has is so much more grand than I could ever think up. It's my dream, and I didn't dream it up to please anyone except my heart. I know God knows this desire, and He may ask me to give it up for His sake, and I have to become willing to do it. My passion is to write, and I believe God will allow me that, whether in Seattle or Germany or in Idaho or in Columbia.

What are your dreams and aspirations? Do you think they are too crazy and big to ever happen? I don't think they are. Once you give your desires to God, He will mold them into perfect reality. They may not be the reality you wanted, or thought you would have, but they are so much better. We may not see that at first, we may be disappointed in the fact that we didn't become a famous writer, or have our own business, but whatever God leads us to, it can happen. And whatever God does lead us to, it will be wonderful, because it is His perfect plan.

Never give up on dreams because they are in your heart for a reason.

I hope you guys have a wonderful, wonderful week! I'm so tired and I want to just sleep! Don't forget about my contest! Like my Facebook page Owl Be Hawkward Blogging and enter to win a scarf, hat, OR a $25 Starbucks gift card. You must like the page to enter the contest, and you have a higher chance of winning if you share the page! I'll be choosing the winner Monday so you must like NOW in order to win! 

My best friend and I just finished watching Breaking Dawn part 1 and 2 and I'm emotional wrecked for the rest of the night (I always am after reading/watching these, simply because the are over), so I am going to snuggle up to my body pillow and sleep. If you liked this post please comment below! If you have any suggestions for writing material, feel free to let me know. I'm always open to new ideas. With my English 101 class and I'm learning more and more about how to be a good writer, and writing about something that isn't my idea would help me better my skills. If you have any constructive criticism, how I could write better and what I could change, please comment as well! 

Have a fabulous week, and keep on adventuring.

Owl Be Hawkward

Screw Everything

     Okay. I've been thinking all week about what to write about this week. I was just mulling every single idea over and none seemed right...but it hit me tonight, during church. So, I quickly wrote down a few points just to remind me when I sat down to write, what I was actually going to write about. So here I am. Don't freak out over the title because I don't mean that literally, and I do hope no one gets offended at my use of the word "Screw". Other words seemed inadequate to emphasize my point, and some words were...let's be honest, way too vulgar. I'm not trying to be rude or vulgar, this is simply how I've been feeling this past week, and as you keep reading this you will understand what I mean. 
     OH...Where do I even begin. I can't go into details because it's not really my business to just spread all over the internet. It started about a week ago, on a Thursday night. Basically: I started feeling like crap because I was selfish...and am selfish, and jealous, and hurt. And man, I sure did pray about this, a lot. I can't seem to get over it because..I really don't know why and it has basically just ruined my week. I've been rather down and near tears several days. I haven't even talked about it to anyone because I've just felt so stupid and couldn't believe I could be so immature about it! Anyway: All week I have said to myself "SCREW EVERYTHING", because I was just so tired of feeling frustrated with my life. Screw everything that doesn't make me happy. If some friendship just makes me sad: screw it. If SnapChat crashes every 5 minutes (like it literally just did), screw it. Screw things that just make me unhappy because I don't have time for unhappiness. Before you freak out and say "This girl has issues...doesn't she know that life is unhappy and you have to deal with things that are unhappy even when you don't feel like it??? What a moron." Yes, I very much know that and I don't mean that literally. I'm not going to give up on being your friend just because I got mad at you that one time or you forgot to call me or something. 
     I am going to try to explain what I mean when I say "screw everything" as best as I can. If I start repeating myself or talking in circles, I'm sorry. I will try not to. Clearly folks, it is completely impossible to avoid unhappy things, for the world is full to the brim with them. It is totally illogical to try and ignore unhappy things when they happen upon us. Unhappiness is unavoidable and inevitable. I do not think that I can just live my life doing only things that make me happy because a lot of things in this life are necessary to do that are not happy things. When I say "Screw everything that doesn't make you happy" I don't mean to literally forget everything that doesn't make you happy and have nothing to do with them, I am not insane my friends. 
     What I mean by this is: don't fill your life with unnecessary frustration. If something bothers you, take a deep breath and let it go. Don't let things get to you, don't let someone's words upset you. Take everything in stride because we all have something to be happy about. It's a lot easier said than done, but with God's Word to bring you back into focus you can get it done! If you can't let something go no matter how hard you try (which has happened to me), talk to the person who upset you. Chances are they didn't realize they upset you and never intended to. Let them know because they are just as open to hurt as you are. Screw things that make you unhappy, just let them go. Focus on the happy things only, and let the unhappy things bounce off of you. If you have to do something unhappy such as arrange a funeral, fire someone, start back in school, etc...don't let it make you unhappy. Joy comes from the Lord, and happiness is a choice. You can choose to be upset about all the bad things, or you can choose to be happy about the good things. 
     I'm not sure if all of this makes sense to you all, but if you understand anything from this I want you to understand that you can be happy and you can focus on the good things. It takes time and practice and isn't easy at first, but I'm sure over time we can all learn to be positive and focus on the good things in life. Like those beautiful roses you saw in the shop, or someone who just had a baby, or that cup of coffee you drank that was so delicious, or that really cute guy you saw who smiled at you. The little happy things need our attention just as much as the big happy things. If you get into a situation in life that seems all bad, you can still find the positive. For example, if you go to Africa and see the hundreds of starving kids. Kids who aren't only starved for food, but for love and attention as well. A situation that breaks your heart into a million pieces. Find the good in it. Such as: You can help those kids, you can love them while you're there, tell them about Christ, pray for them, and know that God loves them infinitely. Life is good, we just have to find it. 

     I start school this week, my first week of college classes! It's pretty exciting. Also, don't forget about my contest! Like my Facebook page at Owl Be Hawkward Blogging and enter to win a handmade scarf, hat, or a $25 Starbucks gift card! Winner chooses. You must like the page to win, and if I see that you tagged my page on your profile you have a greater chance of winning! I will be choosing a winner on September 1st. So go like & share! 

      Before I leave for this week, I wanted to remind you that God loves you!
The Lord is my strength and mu shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him. Psalm 28:7 
 Have a wonderful week, loves! 

Owl Be Hawkward

     

Changing things up

As I said in previous posts, I have been struggling with posting lately. I think the thing is, I'm feeling too obligated to post here daily or every other day. I feel like I have to post, so I pull something out of the air and end up with a post that is not reaching its possible depth and quality. I feel like my blog has lost some of its umph and spark and has become this forceful, obligated writing environment. I've been writing shorter posts, and posts that I feel are just bad writing. If this is my  foot-in-the-door to the writing world, then I want to give it my best and only post high-quality, well-written, meaningful posts. My posts have been lacking all of those lately. It really bothers me that I let myself get to this point of "I don't know what to write about so I'll write two paragraphs talking about a cat". I want this blog to be personal to you, to touch your heart, to make a difference in you, to share the light of Jesus. When you read what I write I want you to feel as though you just read a sweet letter from a dear friend. 

     Honestly, I live a rather dull and average life. Nothing exciting happens all that often, especially not everyday. What I'm trying to say is that I'm only going to be posting once a week now. I know I'm such a spazzy, bipolar blogger, but I don't have things to write about every day. I will put a lot of work into every post and make them as good as I can. They will be full of hard-work and my adventure of the week. They will be interesting, funny, and most of all they will have a lot more Jesus in them. I can't wait to post next week, except I don't have anything to write. I hope the rest of your week is wonderful!

Have you heard about my contest? If you like make Facebook page at www.facebook.com/owlbehawkwardblogging you can enter in the chance to win a hand-made scarf (by me), hat (by me as well), or a $25 Starbucks giftcard. You HAVE to like the page in order to win! Those who share the page with their friends on their personal Facebook have a better chance of winning. The winner will be chosen September 1st. 

I'm gonna miss you Genie

So I was sitting here, lookin' at my snapchat with my fresh cup of delicious coffee sitting against my legs. I look down, and my coffee is about to spill all over my cute owl bed spread and I just had 

to breathe and calmly readjust my cup. Talk about a heart attack. I would have lost my coffee AND ruined my bed spread. Whew. 

In other news: Robin Williams died yesterday and I'm sure you know. What a total week ruiner. He was probably one of my favorite actors and he never ceased to make me laugh. It is really so sad that he couldn't find the will to live. He was 63 years old, people that age have already been through so much, you would think they had the sense in them to keep on living. But he didn't, he had so much fame, and he was so rich, and he had a wife and kids...but he couldn't live any longer. 

Just goes to show that when you don't have Jesus, you really don't have anything. It makes me thankful...even though I don't have a ton of money and I'm not famous, I am joyful and content because I have Christ. 

We did a photoshoot Sunday night, me and my gals! I'll probably post a few pictures later. I'm going to use some for my Facebook page too...or I might just do another shoot. It was a lot of fun, and we got all dolled up. Even when it got dark we were able to get some cute ones with flash. Fun, fun! 

Sorry for taking so long to post, I have kind of been in a blah mood lately with writing, but I'm back ;) have a fabulous Tuesday, dolls! 

Stinkin' Reality

Back in Germany I was living care free. I wasn't thinking about life, I was totally okay with the world. It was such a beautiful place to run away too. It was such an adventure to get my mind off of life...I would live there forever if I could. I. Had nothing but pure fun, saw so many places I never even dreamed of seeing. 

The trip ended. The adventure ended.  Then reality smacked me in the face. 

It was nice to run away, but I can't run away from life forever, that's not life. Life is full of times like Germany, full of adventures and fun and problem-forgetting days. But life is also full of times of disappointment and questioning, full of reality beating you until your purple, trying to get you to fall and give up. 

Guys, life is so full. Full of everything, good and bad. It only lasts a short time, this whole 'life' thing, and we have to give our all. We can't let disappointment in one thing blind us to the joy of something else. We can't let reality beat us until we're blue, we have to stand strong and fight back. Reality is hard, but it is also amazing. Like the reality that God loves us for an eternity, and sent His Son to die for us. We also have to stick our head in the clouds occasionally. Go up there and find your dream, and when you come back down, chase as hard and fast as possible. Dreams can come true. Don't get down about life because it's a beautiful mess we only get one chance to live, and while we're living it, we got to chase those crazy but possible dreams God planted in our hearts and leave a stream of Light behind us. 

I'm dying to go back there, I want to go back there and live a different life than what I'm living here. But this life I have is the life I have to live, I can't change it, but I can go back to Germany and live it. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even in 5 years, but someday. 

Project Work-Out: week 2

Hey guys, just wanted to share some motivation with you. 

Last night I got SO PUMPED to work out and get fit, at like midnight, and this morning when I woke up, I was still pumped. But I waited...I didn't get out of bed and go run right away. I waited to see which gym my brother was going to, and it turns out I can't go with him. As soon as I found out I was so deflated and it was like all my motivation was thrown out the window. All because I couldn't go to a gym. 

So here I am dudes and dudettes to motivate you to get outside and run. Just because you can't hit the actual gym doesn't mean you can't make progress. Here is me telling you to get off your butt, stop making excuses. The change you want to see in your physical appearance doesn't come from sitting on the couch watching entire seasons of The Vampire Diaries. It comes from you deciding to live healthy and go out there and get that blood pumping. 

Let's go and run those hill sprints, ladies and gentlemen, because Dana Linn Bailey didn't get that good looking body by sitting around. You can get fit and you can look good and be confident. Let's get out there today and get hot and sweaty, let's get those lungs burning and those muscles aching. Let's get out there and push ourselves until we can't go anymore, then push a little more.

 

(This is Dana Linn Bailey if you didn't know). 

Favorite Bands

I like music...actually, I love music. During the school year, I will listen to music all day, probably 8+ hours. I can't work-out without listening to music, I read and listen to music. I listen to everything I can get my hands on, even Scottish Bagpipe music piques my interest. When I find a new band I get so excited and I go a read their wiki bio and listen to their newest albums. So I have decided to compile a list of my favorite bands and songs by them! 

{One Republic} I fell in love with them about 3 years ago? I love Ryan Tedder and the fact that he writes songs for everyone. He has such a unique voice, they just have an awesome sound. I love the fact that they never cuss or talk about inappropriate things. They're songs are genuinely good and fun. 

-Can't Stop |Native|
-Preacher |Native|
-Feel Again |Native| (This album is really great)
-Apologize |Dreaming Out Loud|
-Marchin' On |Waking Up|
-Secrets |Waking Up|

{Skillet} Skillet, ahh...my all-time favorite. Well okay I don't have an all-time favorite but this one is in the top three. I was introduced to Skillet when I was like twelve and I hated them, but when I was 14 I found them again and I will never stop listening to them. They are a Christian rock group and they are uhhh-mazing. John Cooper is the lead singer and his has a unique, gravely rock voice that I just fell in love with. I even wrote an essay about them for school one time. They have an amazing drummer, two guitarist, a violinist and a cellist. All so good and talented, and they love the Lord genuinely. 

-Monster |Awake|
-Hero |Awake|
-Sometimes |Awake| 
-Never Surrender |Awake|
-Rebirthing |Comatose|
-Comatose |Comatose|
-Whispers in the Dark |Comatose|
-The Last Night |Comatose|
-Forsaken |Collide
-Savior |Collide|
-Fire and Fury |Rise|
-What I Believe |Rise|
-American Noise |Rise|
-Madness in Me |Rise|

{Relient K} This is one of bands you like for your whole life. I started listening when I was about 10 years old. It's one of those bands that you'll never forget the lyrics no matter how long it's been since you heard the song. Relient K is a punk-rock Christian band that absolutely rocks and is just worth your time to listen to. 

-The Best Thing |Five Score and Seven Years Ago|
-Be My Escape |MMHMM|
-Death Bed |Five Score and Seven Years Ago| 

-Sadie Hawkins Dance |i don't remember the album|

-I fell in Love With the 80's (pink tux) |i don't remember the album| 

-We Should Get Jerseys |Five Score and  Seven Years Ago|

{Third Day} I have been listening to this band all my life. They are a southern rock group who glorifies God. Man, their lyrics are so good and meaningful.  Me and my dad are Third Day enthusiasts and we listen to them all the time. My dad has all of their albums and we've even had the chance to see them in concert. I got to meet the band too (which I regret because I should have let my dad meet them becaus he is the bigger fan, but I was a stupid, selfish kid...I guess I will have to make up for it and get him VIP tickets for his 60th birthday or something). It's so hard to decide my favorite songs because I love them all, so I will give you my top 5. 

-Thief |Third Day 1996|

-Long Time Comin' |Chronology Vol. 1|

-May Your Wonders Never Cease | Offerings II | 

-Call My Name |Revelation|

Mind you, these are just a few of my favorite bands and a few of my favorite songs from them. I have a ton of favorite songs/bands and it would take a life time to list them for you. I hope you enjoyed this! Comment below some of your favorite songs & bands or if you like the same ones I do! 
 

Favorite Things: July

Feeling a bit down the past few days, so I decided to highlight my favorite things from July to cheer me up.

-I was in Germany, and went to Berlin. (this picture is not Berlin)

-Made some awesome new friends

-Finally saw my best friends after an entire month

-My room is painted a lovely green 

-I got back into the gym and created a work-out plan

Sorry for the lame posts lately, I have some bad writer's block. Have an awesome week you guys! 

Also if you didn't know: 

I have a Facebook page! Owl Be Hawkward Blogging. If you like & share the page you enter to win a hand-made scarf, hat, or a $25 Starbucks gift card. I am trying to reach 100 likes by the end of August and I will be choosing a winner on September first. You HAVE TO LIKE THE PAGE in order to win the contest. Get your friends to like the page too! :) 

 
 
 

I am nothing

My heart weighs a ton right now. I am just full of stress, and finding out everyday that life isn't what you expect. I have thought all week on what to post. I started several times and nothing came about that was satisfactory. That really makes me unhappy because I'm supposed to write here every day, and I'm sorry. 

My heart is just filled with different kinds of burdens this week. I started really handing them over to God and it feels as though Satan keeps piling them on with every day. Those feels always deceive me. 

My heart is being pulled different directions all day and I wonder what I am supposed to do in the next few months. I wonder if I should do this or do that or if what I am doing right now is God's will. My heart says I need to do this, then it says I need to do that. So many questions and uncertainties and exciting yet scary new things. 

I am just discovering daily that I literally don't know how to live my life, and I don't know how other people manage without going to God. I don't know how to act or what to say, where to go or what career path I should take. Every day I learn that without God my life would be filled with terror and so much more stress and anger and sadness. Even the little things like going for a run and having some old disgusting guys roll down their window and call out to me, I would be 7 million times more scared of them and have absolutely no peace of my safety. Even though I sprinted a quarter of a mile  to be far from them (they turned the opposite direction anyway) and my heart was racing and tears came to my eyes, I know God had me in His hands and was angrier than I was that someone could be so disgusting and degrading to me. 

Without Christ I am totally and completely nothing. Yes, I may walk and talk and breath. My heart may pump blood and my brain may send signals to my nerves, I may learn and my hair grows, but I am not alive without Christ. I can't live without Him. 

'The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.' John 10:10 

'Jeus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.' John 11:25

'I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live: yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.' Galatians 2:20