I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, because age is kind of weird. Am I supposed to feel nostalgic? I mean, the latter end of my teen years was good, but the middle was pretty terrible. I can't say I'm going to miss it very much.
Also, I've been doing adult type stuff for a bit, so I don't necessarily feel like I'm transforming into an adult. I will keep learning, growing, experiencing new things and gaining new responsibilities all the time. I will definitely get more adult as the years go on. I will enter marriage, I will get my own place, I will have children. However, I don't feel like I'm entering a new phase. The only difference will be that I am now a "20 something" instead of a teenager.
20 is a fairly insignificant age. At 16, you can drive. At 18, you can smoke and you're considered an "official adult." At 21, you can drink and do other things (I'm not sure what, but I think there is more than drinking, maybe??) and at 25, you can rent a car. 20 is just, whatever dude. I have thought about my birthday maybe twice. I have no plans other than to eat dinner with my family and my boyfriend. I am expecting some life changes soon, but nothing that I am sharing because they aren't guaranteed. I really just want to take a nap for my 20th birthday, and eat some cake without guilt. I haven't even asked for any specific gift so who knows what anyone (if anyone) got me anything at all! #IAmAnAdult #WhoCaresAboutPresents #JK #IStillCare
Perhaps I'll get my hair done, or maybe I'll just watch movies.
Anything is better than my last birthday, honestly. I was all alone in my dorm (practically everyone had left for Christmas break). I went to Panda Express and ate in my car before work, on the phone with Josh. At work, I found out I wasn't being kept on after the Christmas season (I don't blame them, though. Not having a job is still a big bummer). While at work, a massive ice/snow storm hit the town. I was allowed to leave work early because my boss wanted me to drive safely and there were only like two customers in the store (I lived on the opposite side of town so it was far drive on an ice covered road). It was too late, there was already what seemed like an inch of ice covering my car. I started my car and tried to defrost everything. I would get my scraper out, and scrape until my hands were numb, and then I would get back in my car and warm up. Then I would get out and scrape again. It toook nearly an hour to get my windows clear enough to see, and the parking lot was treacherous. I finally got home to my cold, lonely room. Everything on campus was closed until the next semester, so I ate can of soup in my room and cried (I felt very sorry for myself, though in retrospect, it wasn't really a big deal).
So, it was probably the worst birthday ever. This year will be better, because I am with Josh rather than talking to him on the phone. I'll make my own birthday good, because that is what you have to do. You can't sit around and feel sorry for yourself if things are in your control to change. I made changes, and they have all been good.
We'll see what my birthday turns out to be, but for my last week of being a "teen" I just want to rest for a long, long, long time.
Maybe I'll write 20 lessons I've learned in 20 years on my birthday?
If you have any suggestions on how to celebrate, let me know!
Merry Christmas,
KD
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